Controversial Mondays

I am thinking too start posting a new Controversial Question on my blog each Monday and would love it if you could interact with me

Plus, my blog needs some blog luuuuuuuuuuuuuuurving

What do you guys think?

-T-

6 Months Since the Day You….

Maybe I didn’t try save you hard enough….

I’m trying, but my heart is still in tatters…

Do you know that

But especially, that

The boundaries of loss are so, so wide….

Sometimes I feel you around me

I love you, Clifford Seth Hofmann,

We are trying.

Love, Timor

Honesty,

,

[Images off pinterest.com]

I am Tired.

I have been diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome. Bits of insomnia are mixed in between and they swirl together like a cyclone of depressed thoughts. I am tired.

Too tired to even write this post.

[Picture: Too tired.]

I am a Midwife!

Not yet a fully fledged midwife – but I am in the process!

I have spent 2 and  half years waiting for the day that I could finally start delivering babies, and when it arrived I could not be more ecstatic

I remember when I started observing the deliveries, I watched these brave women in the active phase of labour – the way their faces would contort in pain, their restless movements, and my heard bled for them because most of them did not have a partner or family member who was with them to hold their hand, to encourage them to push harder and to speak to before the next pain. I hope I helped to adequately fill that space.

I have heard life stories – heartache and pain and joy and love and regret ad hatred. I have learnt about people, about individuality, a need to give this little being the best they can. And on the other spectrum, women who do not want to hold or touch their babies, who do not want to bond – or are simply too scared to – who are completely disinterested and are actually quite angry that the baby caused them so much pain.

Some deliveries have made me tear up, or gave me goosebumps they were so beautiful. I remember there was a 18 year old girl with her boyfriend, and he held he hand without a single grimace or complaint as she scratched into his hand with her nails as the contractions grew strong, who encouraged her to push and to focus, who watched the head crown and the baby be born without a look of disgust. I saw them cry tears of utmost joy when they discovered their surprise baby was a boy, the way he couldn’t take his eyes off the baby lying across her chest. I saw him look lovingly into her eyes, both lit up with happiness and unconditional love, and he asked her “So, when are we planning baby number 2?”. She smiled up at him and it beamed with sunlight and love and lit up the room. I nearly sobbed at such beauty.

I have also seen the hard side with my first delivery being a 29 week old IUFD (Intra Uterine Fetal Death). From what we understood, the baby died two weeks ago. It was a quick delivery, and after the baby was born, we cleaned her up and clamped the cord and I asked the mother if she would like to see and hold her baby. She herself was merely a baby still – only 17 years of age. She took the baby from my hands, her own hands tentative and cold and shaking. She stared at this perfectly sleeping baby – and inspected her closely from her hair all the way down to her little toes. She was perfectly formed, but 2 weeks lying dead in utero had made its mark on her and sg=he of course did not cry.

sometimes the silence can be so loud…

I have learnt so much about babies and birthing though:
- Their development in utero
- Abdominal palpations to determine their position
- Jaundice and treatment
- Breast and bottle feeding
- Labour and delivery
- Pain relief  during delivery
and so much more.

I feel equipped with knowledge and even though I still have so much to learn – I feel like I am making a difference. I show them kindness whereas the staff can be impatient and rude. I assist them and get them water to drink so they can be comfortable. I tell them they are nearly there – that they have almost reached their goal. I share in their joy.

to bring a life into this world is a precious thing…

and to see the babies take their first breath and know you have successfully brought a life into the world safely, is an incredibly awesome feeling. It is also incredible to watch the transformation a woman takes from a scared-of-the-unknown woman, to a mother.

I feel appreciated too – majority of the mothers tell me how thankful they are that I have helped them. It makes me feel like I am finally being recognized as a nurse, a carer!

and when I feel this good, I walk around with a smile on my face to meet the next mother-to-be….

About Changing the World…

During nightshift, I was speaking to a nursing colleague of mine.

We were discussing how seemingly unfair life was, for I had just delivered a 29 week old fetus who had died in utero. We wondered why some babies had to die and others didn’t, and that it just didn’t fit into the Circle of Life.

We discussed how to change the world.

I found the story she told me incredibly profound, and it has stayed with me ever since. Her utmost honesty, and raw concern is so touching.

“When I was in primary school, I dreamed about changing the world. My imagination ran wild, and I spent days thinking about how I can improve the whole world and make a difference.

But then I went to highschool, and it placed limitations on my imagination and I dreamed about changing my country.

When I entered the ‘real world’ I again became limited by people’s constraints. And I dreamed about changing my people.

But when my people did’t change, I realized I cannot hope to change my people, and certainly not the world.

I knew I could only change myself.

And I hoped that when I changed myself for the good, that the people around me would see a change, and be inspired to change themselves for the better, and that it would eventually change my people and then my country, and then the world.

Change begins from within, If we do not set a good example to others, we cannot hope to single-handedly change the world”

Profound, huh?

[Images taken off Google]

For Matthew

 

 

Flutterby…

Saw this beautiful moth in Mandi’s house when we had a tweetup there I love the vibrant colours!

For Those Who Didn’t Believe @meganstow …

For those of you who read @meganstow ‘s blog post about her four crazy felines, I have proof that Mimi is, in fact, a tad crazy, and that @meganstow was right!

A Little Bit of Faith

@Gnat_J and @pauljacobson’s beautiful little girl…

Picture : I just love the colour of her eyes here – they are so thought provoking and evoke such emotion. #Love
And of course, the food all over her face!

Picture 2: Inquisitive

 

 

 

Picture 3: Mommy making Faith but screeeeeeeeeeeeeech with laughter! Too cute!

 

Picture 4: Such long eyelashes…

 

Picture 5: Having a little giggle to herself

So, how in love are you with this kid? Because I am head over heels!

Lifschitz Family Photoshoot at Gilooly’s Farm

I was asked by #TheBoyfriend’s sister Sigal to do a photoshoot for their dad’s 60th birthday. What great timing – the shoot was done on Father’s day and was pure fun!