Day 1 – Something you hate about yourself


A lot of these posts are going to be very difficult for me, and I am a tad concerned about my vulnerability. Please take care not to intentionally hurt me as I bare myself to you. But please, feel free to comment!!!!

Well, Day1 – Something I hate about my self.

That would probably be my low pain tolerance.

I fainted when I got a Maxalon injection in my ass in the doctor’s rooms. The world goes dizzy when my finger gets caught in between the door and the wall, no matter how slight. I have to lie down to recover.

When I have my panic attacks, every sensation is heightened, including the pain that I feel in my chest (it feels like a heart attack), and it is raw and debilitating.

My biggest concern is that I feel other people’s pain, especially in the hospital environment. Because I am so sensitive to it, certain things such as wounds or procedures that I see, cause me to simply faint. The one day they put about 6 drips in this lady during my first year at the hospital, fishing around and all and wham! I was gone. The insertion of a CVP in the neck, or femoral artery is such a violent procedure – so I am gone there too. It is especially bad if the person themselves is whimpering in pain, or crying, or explaining how bad the pain feels. Yet it also works during a time where the patient is out of it, or “technically” dead eg in cardiac arrest – such as in a resus when the doctor pulled a lady’s tooth out her mouth.

I have seen intestines, internal organs, necrosis of body parts, the smell of infected wounds, and procedures.

I need  a large level of desensitization to a procedure before I become okay with it, and do not faint as much.

But I see this as a weakness within myself to not be able to handle my own pain, and my empathy of other patients that allows me to feel theirs, yet others tell me that my empathy that connects me to my patients is the thing that will make me one of the best nurses. I still doubt this, that I will ever be a good nurse, and for that, I hate myself too – viewing myself as a failure is irrational, and as I am an achiever in the things I do, my continuous “quitting” of this degree grills me. But my determination to continue, pushes me through.

Love.Cybelle

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13 responses to this post.

  1. I think your ability to feel other’s pain will make you a GREAT nurse! Hang in there!
    Much love xxx

    Reply

  2. […] Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself Day 02 → Something you love about yourself Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for. Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for. Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life. Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do. Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for. Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on. Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on. Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter) Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without. Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage. Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol. Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life. Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today. Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now? Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself […]

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  3. […] Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself Day 02 → Something you love about yourself Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for. Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for. Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life. Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do. Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for. Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on. Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on. Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter) Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without. Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage. Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol. Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life. Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today. Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now? Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself […]

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  4. your ability to empathize with make you very good at what you do, well done at sticking it out.

    Reply

  5. Posted by meganstow on October 21, 2010 at 14:07

    i agree with the other two, empathy can only make you better at what you do!

    as for being a wuss about pain, i know exactly where you’re coming from! it’s so stupid of me cos i’ve had one kid without drugs and been tattooed twice and pierced more times than i can count, but bring a needle near me and i half go into shock!

    Reply

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  7. […] Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself Day 02 → Something you love about yourself Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for. Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for. Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life. Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do. Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for. Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on. Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on. Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter) Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without. Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage. Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol. Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life. Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today. Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now? Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself […]

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  8. […] Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself Day 02 → Something you love about yourself Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for. Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for. Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life. Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do. Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for. Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on. Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on. Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter) Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without. Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage. Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol. Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life. Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today. Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now? Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself […]

    Reply

  9. […] Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself Day 02 → Something you love about yourself Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for. Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for. Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life. Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do. Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for. Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on. Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on. Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter) Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without. Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage. Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol. Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life. Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today. Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now? Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself […]

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  10. […] Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself Day 02 → Something you love about yourself Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for. Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for. Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life. Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do. Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for. Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on. Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on. Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter) Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without. Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage. Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol. Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life. Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today. Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now? Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself […]

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  11. […] Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself Day 02 → Something you love about yourself Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for. Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for. Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life. Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do. Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for. Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on. Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on. Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter) Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without. Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage. Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol. Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life. Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today. Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now? Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself […]

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  12. […] Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself Day 02 → Something you love about yourself Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for. Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for. Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life. Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do. Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for. Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on. Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on. Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter) Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without. Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage. Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol. Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life. Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today. Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now? Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself […]

    Reply

  13. […] Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself Day 02 → Something you love about yourself Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for. Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for. Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life. Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do. Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for. Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit. Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted. Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know. Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on. Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on. Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.) Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter) Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it. Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without. Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something. Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage. Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics? Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol. Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do? Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life. Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life. Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter) Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today. Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why? Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now? Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do? Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why. Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself […]

    Reply

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