How to avoid shark attacks this December

As a person who is TERRIFIED of sharks, I found this very very funny! Thanks to Kara for BBMing this to me!

1. Don’t swim in the sea. More than 99% of shark attacks happen in large water masses – also known as oceans. An easy way to tell if you are in an ocean is to taste the water – it will taste like salt.

2. Swim alongside fat people. make sure that there are always fat people in the water with you. Odds are that you can swim faster than them – increasing your chances of escape.

3. Sun block. Replace the sun block of the person next to you with BBQ rib sauce.

4. Do not go into the water without a knife. As soon as you spot a shark – furiously stab the person next to you. As soon as he is bleeding profusely  – swim away as fast as you can.

5. Listen carefully! Every shark has a theme song. If you hear the following – swim for your life: daaa-dum, daa-dum, da-dum. If its fast like dadam dadam dadam – give up. You’re already screwed.

6. Don’t panic. Stay calm if a shark has got you. At this late stage you are screwed in any case – survival is not an option.The people on the beach do not appreciate someone screaming and shouting like a lunatic – it just isn’t pleasant. Think of the children dammit!



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