Life After Cliff

*Please download this song and listen to it while you read

Life after Cliff is not easy… I didnt expect it to be.

The hardest part for me, is knowing that life goes on, without Cliff. That his death barely even made a ripple in the greater scheme of Life, that most people are not even affected, that they continue to be happy while I am drowning, that they don’t understand, never knew him, never…. never everything.

I am still sad a lot of the time. I take comfort in having all your support, it has helped me tremendously. I feel flat. Very lost at times. I want to take comfort within his arms, but… they are not here. I want to hear his laugh again, see him smile, cuddle… I want to tell him how my soul mate has died but my soul mate is gone and I will never be able to.

Life. Goes. On. And a lot of the time I wish it didnt. I wish I could rewind time, if only just to say goodbye…

I still like to listen to stories about him, the good, the bad, and the downright hilarious. I thought Gina’s post was absolutely beautiful. Hopefully I can add in my pictures soon…

But in the meantime, I am healing. Slowly, but surely, each day gets a little easier, a little brighter. I still get very sad knowing he won’t be here for my 21st, my wedding, when my kids are born, and that in turn he will not be experiencing any of these events at all, but I do know that he will never be forgotten. Our love travels time, space, seasons, and even death. Every step we take will be in his honour.

The song you are listening to has truly made me get through Cliff’s death. The lyrics are too true, and encompass everything I feel:

Without you, the ground thaws
the rain falls
the grass grows

Without you, the seeds root
the flowers bloom
the children play

The stars gleam
the poets dream
the eagles fly
without you

The Earth turns
the sun burns
but I die, without you

Without you, the breeze warms
the girl smiles
the cloud moves

Without you, the tides change
the boys run
the oceans crash

The crowds roar
the days soar
the babies cry
without you

The moon glows
the river flows
but I die without you

The world revives
colors renew
but I know blue
only blue
lonely blue
willingly blue
Without you

Without you, the hand gropes
the ear hears
the pulse beats

Without you, the eyes gaze
the legs walk
the lungs breathe

The mind churns
the heart yearns
the tears dry without you

Life goes on
but I’m gone
’cause I die, without you
without you
without you
without you…..

I love you, as do we all.

I carry you around in my heart, in my soul, in my every waking moment…. and the best are my dreams, where I dream that you are still here, still alive, still breathing, and talking, and laughing because now you can finally run…., and every time I wake, the nightmare hits again, and you’re gone…


4 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Gina on January 30, 2011 at 09:59



  2. Posted by Belinda on January 31, 2011 at 06:07

    My prays are with you. Its never easy to lose the
    ones we love. But keep him close and think of him
    Often and the stories that you tell of him, They help
    You heal. Don’t try forget. Remember all you can while
    You still can. Cry often and take your time. No one
    Understands your loss but you. Strength. If you need
    To talk. I’m here for you


  3. I don’t think it was a small ripple. He clearly meant a lot to a lot of people and will keep on making a ripple through them. Hugs


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