My Deepest Secret


I have always felt that I am rather unlikeable. I once had a really good brief relationship with a varsity friend, until she told me my personality was “overwhelming” even though our personalities were very much alike. I was shattered and withdrew back into myself.

Throughout school I also wondered if I didn’t have many friends because I was different. I was never worried about being popular, I always spoke my mind, and I loved to study. Today, none of that has changed, but I did go through a period whereby I was afraid to speak up, afraid to say what I really thought, because I would receive these glares. I don’t know why I was so different, the black sheep, unique?

Many times I still look around at my friends that have stuck with me through thick and thin, my boyfriend, my family, and with a pang at times I am still aware that I should feel unloveable, unlikeable, abandoned. And I am not. And I wonder why. And at times I embrace myself, and at times I criticize.

It is my struggle. I am still fighting it every day.

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5 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Sigal on February 13, 2011 at 10:50

    I love you
    xxx

    Reply

  2. Never be ashamed of being outspoken and a non-conformist!
    You are an amazing woman Tim!
    Im proud to be your friend!!!!

    Reply

  3. Dude! You’re awesome the way you are, don’t let those sheep tell you otherwise!

    You one of the most awesome people i’ve met!

    Stay the way you are… or else! 😉

    Reply

  4. I think that most people feel like that at sometime or the other, I know I do. The one thing that reall seemed to help is getting older, it’s a bit silly, but I don’t know why else I care less now than I did before.

    Reply

  5. You are many things and unlikeable is not one of them. You challenge my perceptions of stuff in my life by throwing up a really interesting lens to look at my life through. It is so easy to get lost in a conformist trench, you give us a door to a much needed alternate reality. You’re not just likeable, you are indispensable.

    Reply

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