Ain’t No Sparkle on My Finger, but One in My Eye

I have been in, what I consider myself to be, a serious relationship with my boyfriend of 5 and a half years.

I have also been (and still am) a true romanthic at heart. What I dont understand is, that within moments of meeting their prince, Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, Ariel and so forth are married. Just like that.

And then I truly wonder – why am I not married? Where is my proposal in an airport as I dash off to the flight I am about to miss, as my prince drops onto bended knee, whips out the most beautiful ring my eyes ever laid upon, then delivers an evoking speech (which I barely heard because the sparkle from the ring was blinding me) and then I breathe “Yes!” and burst out in tears and dramatically throw my arms around him, and…. what? And then i am awoken from my revverie, and stare at the bitten nail on my left ring finger thinking “best he give me ample warning so I can get a manicure.”

What I have debated to length with myself and loved ones, is the possibilty of [insert drum roll here]  “The One”. Does Mr Right ever exist, or is there only a Mr Right Now? Is there a need to plan so far in advance, or rather “go with the flow” – take every minute as it goes – a free spirited woman?

Sadly to say, I have never been very free-spirited. I am fiesty, yes, but I like boundaries, rules and guidelines. I like To-Do Lists. I look before I leap. I over-analyze. Ohhhh boy, do I ever over-analyze. Yet somehow the women portrayed in Disney movies seem to be a bit… lacking in personality? Is there a level of perfection that is needed to be married off? What is the problem here?

Let’s rewind. I’m 21, studying to be a nurse. #TheBoyfriend is 24, studying further in paramedics. Our salaries are borderline non-existent. We are not financially “stable” in the whole sense of the word, unable to support ourselves and certainly unable to support children right now (my womb is disappointed). We are being realistic. Its a vicious cycle between desire, and foundation. Yet there are others who, throughout everything (including lack of finances) make it. So am I being pessimistic in thinking we won’t? Or am I being the dreaded realist?

I wonder. Did Cinderella have an affair with another prince, or was it a pauper? Did Ariel simply “settle” for the first guy who didn’t shy away from her tail because he didn’t know where her vagina lay? Did Jasmine later on tell Aladdin that he turned her into a lesbian and she has quite a thing for Snow White? Did Sleeping Beauty love being a stay-at-home mother? Were any of them infertile? Did their relationship with their respective partners die down after the honeymoon stage? Were they forced to remain married? Were any of them in an abusive relationship? Did they hate their mother in law?

How long did they “live happily ever after”, and was it ever really that happily?

Have you read “The Rules”? A book detailing how if you are cold and stand-offish, it will make men flock to you. And then the other book called “The REAL Rules” exploring how if you’re loving and kind, men will flock to you. *clears throat*: How the hell do we then know which book to believe? I like to go with the second option. Who comes up with this anyway, and how does it sell and most importantly why, and why do I even read it? Are self-help books even of self-help worth, or are they simply hampering and an easy way to make money? They remind me of the herbal Chinese medication recommendations that are found in the pamphlets given out at any robot or street corner in South Africa evoking stories such as “Make your vagina tighter than tiger” and your “dong long ” as well as a spiritual pathway for “removing bad energy from your business, and make lost lover come back”. You know the one. Le sigh. Both books were thrown out. Pamphlets were gleefully laughed at due to the bad grammar and similes. They are, after all, too funny.

When I ask #TheBoyfriend if we will get married when we are “financially stable-er”, he makes faces at me and happily replies “If you’re nice to me”. Bastard. As if I am ever nice.

So although we are going to wait till my degree is finished, and do the old-fashioned move-in-together-to-see-if-I-am-going-to-kill-you thing, and although I will long to get married in the meantime, I also want to make sure that I am not wasting my time, that “happily ever after” is possible with Mr Right Now & Forever. For after all, if he doesn’t drive me bonkers, will I ever be truly happy?


3 responses to this post.

  1. Depends on the day? There is no fairytale in my opinion only seasons in the sun.


  2. I haven’t read either of the books you mentioned, but I’m with you being nice is better than being mean. As for the Mr Right or Mr Right Now, all you’ve got to go with is Mr Right For Me. I say this because your guy might have everything that you thing a guy needs, but sometimes we let friends and family get in our heads and ruin things. So plan ahead a little, and just go with the flow. I recommend the moving in together option, you change as a couple and if you survive those first few months of arguements then you’re good to go. I hope this rather long comment helps. 🙂


  3. Sheesh! You’e been together 5 years already? I spose if it were me I would start pushing the issue… but you are still very young so if you’re happy I s’pose it can wait. Perhaps he wants to surprise you?


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